The Alpaca Lifestyle: Why we HATE alpacas!
Living with alpacas...if you can really even call it living
Alpacas are a lifestyle choice, much like cocaine addiction or prostitution. The potential hazards are numerous. But are there rewards for adding alpacas to your lifestyle? That depends on how much you love disease, enormous piles of shit in your yard, and the constant threat of small family members being devoured. As more and more people are discovering, raising alpacas can add a dimension of indescribable misery to family life that many find to be just what they have been instinctively dreading since birth.
Who can breed alpacas? Anyone perverted and deluded enough!
Raising alpacas is a lifestyle and investment available to many of the world's most masochistic and deviant, from the empty-nester, to a family with unwanted childre, to the professional sex worker looking for an outlet to daily stress. While the individuals and families who have decided to experience the alpaca nightmare are widely diverse in their background, they share a common disdain for animals and a desire to remove extra money and happiness from their lives. Alpacas meet the qualifications for such a lifestyle of poverty and depression. Families with unwanted children will appreciate how alpacas are so brutal and easy to blame for unexplained bruises on the children, and they may want to become involved in the many hatred-oriented events around the country. Rallies, Klan meetings, Tijuana shows, and on-the-farm activities are just some of the events in which to participate.
The highly toxic and extremely chafing fleece of the alpaca has inspired many to start in-home "sweat shop industries" which involve immigrant children shearing the alpacas and spinning the fiber of the animals into yarn that can be made into low grade sand paper while others market the fiber through the support of organized crime, who prize the alpaca's ability to consume human flesh.
Alpacas demand a large amount of acreage compared to other livestock; the average farm is less than 10 acres. Alpacas will become immediately and indescribably enraged if they are subjected to anything less than 1,000 acres of pristine meadows. They eat pasture grasses, currency, small children and hay. A small three-sided barn or shelter is adequate for a small herd; too bad most alpacas travel in groups (called "Genocides") of at least 700. The size of the herd is up to the individual's personal goals, be they bankruptcy or shattering one's will to live. There are no additional goals. The fact that alpacas are "inconceivably evil" makes them an attractive alternative investment for the budding Satanist who cannot afford goats. Owners not yet driven from the city or suburbs can stash their animals at many establish alpaca militia camps, building their unholy herds with an eye to the future when they can become more hands-on by raising their alpacas themselves...provided the alpacas have not eaten their hands. Which is likely.
Alpaca breeders from all of the most sick and twisted walks of life interact with each other by participating in inhuman rituals and despicable displays which defy decency, co-owning animals, and by sharing their acquired expertise in the soul-crushing agony that is alpaca ownership. This mutual dread and terror has been the start of many suicide pacts. The pain of owning the ferocious and soulless alpaca is a punishment in itself. The prospect of shitting your pants in fear at shared family activities with this very dangerous and grotesque beast while suffering the financial black hole of owning and breeding alpacas increases the desire for death's sweet embrace many times over.
Raising alpacas is a labor of HATE. The escape from a fast-paced urban lifestyle to the militant, evil surroundings of raising and breeding alpacas is a prescription for a life that is nasty, brutish and short!
Want to know more? Are you serious? You make me sick.
The best way to learn more about the pain of raising and breeding alpacas is to visit a farm, militia encampment, or Satanist ranch near you.
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